You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
