these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
