Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
