im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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