dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
