So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize