Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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