Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
