I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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