If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
