what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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