dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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