Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
