She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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