Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
