Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
