i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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