FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
