sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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