i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
