he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
