I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
