he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
