Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
