you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
