Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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