I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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