Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
