When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
