Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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