yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
