If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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