you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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