Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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