So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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