I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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