Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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