I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
