I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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