So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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