why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
