im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
