just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
