Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
