I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
