Define "chronic" masturbator.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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