I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
