well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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