hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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