oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
