Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
