apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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