i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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