there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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