the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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