it's like iHOP with fire
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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