yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
