Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
