I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
