I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
