Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
