I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
