Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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