Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
