We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
