I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
