im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
