you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
