STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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