I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize