Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
