xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
