Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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