Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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