you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize