i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
