I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
