Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize