i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The best revenge is premature balding
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
