i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Randomize
