I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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