We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
