First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
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