my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
