She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
