i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
