Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
