the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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