I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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