Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
