My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
