1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
