can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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