Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
