she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
