Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
