just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
