All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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