The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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